Counselling? Online Counselling? – Questions You May Be Asking

You may have been thinking about counselling for some time but still have questions about what it will actually be like.

Perhaps you are wondering whether online counselling can work for you, whether you will know what to say, whether you need a diagnosis or whether someone will really understand what you are experiencing.

You may also be wondering what happens if you become overwhelmed, emotional or simply don't know where to begin.

Below are some of the questions you may be asking.

1. Getting Started with Counselling

"What is online counselling like with you as a therapist?"

I offer remote online counselling through Zoom, where you can choose to work with your camera on or use audio only. Telephone counselling is also available.

Sessions are 50 minutes and take place at an agreed time, usually weekly in frequency.

You can attend from your own home or another private space where you feel comfortable.

You don't need to be particularly confident with technology and you don't need to know exactly what you want to talk about before we begin.

Sometimes knowing that you are struggling is enough of a starting point.

"How do I know if online counselling is right for me?"

Online counselling can be helpful for many people but it isn't necessarily right for everyone.

For some people, being in their own environment makes therapy feel more accessible and manageable.

For others, travelling to a counselling room and having that physical separation from home may feel more helpful.

We can consider together whether online counselling feels appropriate for you and what you need from counselling.

"What happens in the first session?"

You don't need to prepare a presentation about your life.

Our first session gives us an opportunity to begin getting to know each other and to talk about what has brought you to counselling.

We can explore what you would like support with, what you hope might be different and anything that feels important for me to understand about you.

You can ask me questions too.

You might feel nervous.

You might talk a lot.

You might struggle to find the words.

You might even go completely blank.

That's okay.

There is no test to pass.

We can take our time.

2. "What If I Don't Know What to Say?"

"What if I don't know where to start?"

You don't need to arrive with everything worked out.

Perhaps you know that something doesn't feel right but can't quite explain what it is.

Perhaps you have so many thoughts that you don't know where to begin.

Or perhaps when someone asks, "What would you like to talk about today?", your mind suddenly goes blank.

This can happen.

You don't need to prepare the perfect explanation of yourself before coming to counselling.

We can take our time and find the words together.

"What if I can't explain how I feel?"

Sometimes feelings arrive before words.

You may know that you are overwhelmed, exhausted, angry, sad or disconnected without being able to explain exactly why.

You don't have to make your experiences sound neat or logical.

Part of our work can be exploring what you are experiencing and gradually making sense of it together.

"What if I talk too much?"

That's okay too.

Some people have been holding things inside for a long time and find that once they have a safe space, there is a lot to say.

You don't have to organise everything before bringing it to counselling.

We can work together to find what feels most important.

3. Feeling Comfortable During Online Sessions

"Do I have to have my camera on?"

No.

If you choose to work through Zoom, we can discuss whether you would prefer video or audio.

For some people, seeing their counsellor helps them feel connected.

For others, being on camera can feel distracting, exposing or tiring.

You may find it easier to talk while moving around, fidgeting, looking away from the screen or sitting somewhere that feels comfortable to you.

You don't have to sit completely still or maintain eye contact for me to know that you are listening.

If having your camera off helps you feel more able to engage with counselling, we can discuss whether audio-only sessions would be appropriate for you.

"What if I become overwhelmed?"

Talking about difficult experiences can sometimes bring up strong emotions.

You might become tearful.

You might need some quiet.

You might realise that you've reached your limit for that session.

We don't have to rush through those moments.

We can slow down, pause and think about what you need.

Counselling isn't about forcing yourself to talk about everything as quickly as possible.

It is about creating enough safety for you to explore things at a pace that feels manageable.

"What if I cry?"

You might.

And that's okay.

You don't need to apologise for becoming emotional.

You don't have to stop the session because you are crying.

You don't have to explain your tears immediately.

Sometimes emotions arrive before we have the words to explain them.

We can make space for that.

4. ADHD, Neurodivergence and Understanding Yourself

"Will you come with an understanding of ADHD and neurodivergence?"

You may be coming to counselling after receiving an ADHD diagnosis.

You may be waiting for an assessment.

Or perhaps you've spent years wondering why some things seem to require considerably more effort from you than they appear to require from other people.

You may have become very good at coping, adapting or masking.

You may also have experienced being described as lazy, disorganised, too sensitive, too emotional or simply not trying hard enough.

Sometimes beginning to understand yourself through a neurodivergent lens can bring relief.

It can also bring questions.

Who am I now?

How much of my life have I spent trying to fit in?

Why do things that seem easy for other people feel so difficult for me?

What might have been different if I'd understood myself earlier?

There can be grief alongside understanding.

Counselling can provide space to explore these questions without judgement.

"Do I need an ADHD or autism diagnosis?"

No. You are very welcomed.

You don't need to arrive with a diagnosis or a neatly labelled explanation for your experiences.

You may have a diagnosis.

You may be waiting for an assessment.

You may be questioning whether neurodivergence could help explain some of your experiences.

Or you may simply know that traditional ways of doing things haven't always worked particularly well for you.

Counselling is not an assessment or diagnostic service.

Our work is about understanding your experience and what you would like support with.

"What if previous therapy didn't work me?"

You may have tried counselling before, felt that the therapist was listening but didn't quite understand what you were trying to explain.

Perhaps you were offered techniques that didn't fit your experience.

Or perhaps you spent much of your therapy trying to appear as though you were coping.

It is okay to bring previous experiences of therapy into our work.

We can talk about what worked, what didn't and what you would like to be different this time.

Trying counselling once doesn't mean counselling cannot help you.

Sometimes the therapeutic relationship, approach or timing simply wasn't right. This could include working with me, at this point in time. I would encourage and support exploration of alternative options at this stage.

The key is who or what feels like a fit for you at this time.

5. Identity, Self-Esteem and Feeling Different

"I'm tired of trying to fit in."

You may have spent years adapting yourself to the expectations of other people.

You may have learned how to appear as though you are coping even when you aren't.

Perhaps you have become very good at saying, "I'm fine."

Counselling can provide a space where you don't have to maintain that version of yourself.

We can explore questions around identity, self-esteem, relationships, expectations and the ways you have learned to cope.

You don't need to know who you are supposed to become.

We can start with where you are now.

"I don't want to be judged."

Perhaps one of the reasons you've considered counselling is because you are tired of having to explain yourself.

You may worry that someone will think you're overreacting, being too sensitive or making things more complicated than they need to be.

My role is not to judge you or tell you who you should be.

It is to listen, understand and work alongside you as you explore what is happening for you.

You can bring the parts of yourself that feel confused, overwhelmed, angry, sad, exhausted or uncertain.

6. Grief, Bereavement and Loss

"How can counselling help when someone has died?"

Grief is not something that can simply be fixed.

When someone dies, you may be trying to adjust to a life that has changed while also carrying the pain of missing someone who mattered to you.

Counselling can provide a space where you don't have to make your grief easier for other people.

You can talk about the person who has died.

You can talk about memories.

You can talk about the things you miss.

You can talk about anger, guilt, sadness, relief, confusion or even moments when you feel nothing at all.

There is no single way to grieve.

"Why don't I feel the way I thought I would?"

Grief doesn't always look the way we expect it to.

You might cry constantly.

You might not cry at all.

You might feel numb.

You might feel angry.

You might feel relieved.

You might find yourself laughing one day and crying the next.

You may even wonder whether you are grieving "properly".

There isn't one correct way to grieve.

Your relationship with the person, the circumstances of the loss and your own experiences all influence how grief may feel for you.

We can explore your grief without judging whether you are doing it "right".

"What if I feel guilty?"

Guilt can be part of grief.

You might think about things you wish you had said or done differently.

You may replay conversations.

You may wonder whether you should have noticed something sooner, visited more often, called more frequently or behaved differently.

Sometimes we can become caught in "if only".

Counselling can provide space to explore these thoughts and the meaning they have for you, without rushing you towards reassurance or trying to take the feelings away.

"Others have moved on."

Sometimes the world seems to continue while your own life feels as though it has stopped.

Other people may return to work, continue with their routines or stop asking how you are.

You may still be grieving long after the funeral or initial support has ended.

You don't have to stop missing someone simply because other people have started to move forward.

Counselling can provide a place where your loss can still be spoken about.

"What if I have experienced a different kind of loss?"

Loss isn't always about death.

You may be grieving a relationship, a friendship, your health, your independence, a career, a home or a future you thought you were going to have.

You may also be experiencing grief following a diagnosis or a new understanding of yourself.

Sometimes we grieve the person we thought we would become.

Sometimes we grieve the years we feel we have lost.

These experiences can be deeply personal and can take time to make sense of.

"Can grief and neurodivergence affect each other?"

They can feel intertwined.

You may already experience emotions intensely or find changes to routine particularly difficult.

A significant loss can disrupt the structures and routines that helped you manage everyday life.

You may also find that other people don't understand the way you experience grief.

You might need more time, more space or different ways of processing what has happened.

There is no need to compare your grief with somebody else's.

We can explore what your loss means to you and what you need now.

7. Places to Access Online Counselling

"Where can I access online counselling from?"

You can join from home, a private meeting room, a parked car or any safe outdoor space to suggest a few places. The main requirement is having a quiet, private area that allows for you to be present from external distractions, along with reliable internet access or phone reception.

For some people, the commonly mentioned benefits of being at home that makes therapy much easier to access include:

~You don't have to travel.

~You don't have to manage an unfamiliar environment.

~You can finish your session and remain in a familiar space.

This can be particularly helpful if travelling, with sensory demands or unfamiliar environments use a lot of your energy.

However, it is also worth considering whether home is convenient for you or feels like a safe and private place for you to talk.

You might use headphones, arrange a time when you are less likely to be interrupted or let people you live with know that you need some privacy.

You don't need to create a perfect therapy room.

You simply need somewhere that allows you to feel sufficiently safe and comfortable to talk.

8. Finding the Right Counsellor

"How will I know if we're a good fit?"

Finding the right counsellor matters.

It is okay to have questions.

You might want to know about my experience, my approach, how sessions work or what you can expect from counselling.

You may also simply want to get a sense of whether you feel comfortable talking to me.

You don't have to know immediately.

The beginning of counselling is an opportunity for us to start getting to know each other and consider whether working together feels appropriate for you.

"What if I've never had counselling before?"

It is completely understandable to feel unsure.

You may not know what is expected of you or whether you are "doing therapy properly".

There isn't a particular way you need to behave.

You don't need to know the terminology.

You don't need to have a list of goals.

You don't need to know exactly what counselling is supposed to achieve.

We can work that out together.

9. Privacy, Confidentiality and Safety

"Will what I say be confidential?"

Confidentiality is an important part of counselling.

The information you share with me is treated respectfully and held in confidence, subject to the professional, ethical and legal limits explained in our counselling agreement and privacy policy.

Our online sessions are conducted using Zoom's available security measures.

You can also help protect your own privacy by choosing a private space, using headphones where appropriate and making sure that other people cannot overhear your session.

I also attend regular professional supervision as part of safe and ethical counselling practice.

"What happens if I need more help than online counselling can provide?"

There may be times when online or telephone counselling isn't the most appropriate form of support.

If I become concerned about your immediate safety or feel that you require a different level of support, we can discuss this together and consider appropriate alternatives.

Online counselling is not a replacement for emergency or crisis services.

If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a mental health emergency, you should seek urgent support through the appropriate emergency or crisis service.

You Don't Have to Have Everything Figured Out

Perhaps you've been thinking about counselling for weeks, months or even years.

Perhaps you're not sure whether what you're experiencing is "enough" to ask for help.

Perhaps you have spent so long managing things yourself that asking somebody else for support feels unfamiliar.

You don't have to have everything figured out before you reach out.

You can simply start with:

"I'm struggling and I'm not really sure where to begin."

That can be enough.

If you would like to ask a question about counselling or find out whether working together might be right for you, please get in touch.

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